Hello awesome readers!
I have sat down to record a video for YouTube SO many times, I'm embarrassed to even think about it. I finally decided I should just write a blog post about just where I have been the last few months or so. I never posted a vlog from the beginning of the school year - I don't even remember uploading my final classroom tour....did I? Ugh....but I did want to take a few moments to explain my absence and talk about the year so far.
(If you follow me on Instagram, you already know what happened.)
The beginning of this year was super stressful for me. I had an overall amazing group of kiddos, but I had a few really difficult ones, all in the same class. I didn't know how I was going to survive this school year. I wanted to quit . I was looking into other jobs I could do with my degree (not too many options there). I felt like SUCH a failure as an educator. I was miserable, my anxiety was flaring up, and my depression was hitting me extra hard. I'm gonna be transparent here - I was suicidal in high school. The beginning of this school year was a scary time for me because it was back and so much worse.
Then, the surplus talk started. Now, not everybody knows exactly what that means, so I'll explain. Basically, it's leveling within the district due to numbers. I had a lot of people poking their head in my classroom and saying how nice my room looked, but that it would be a shame if I had to take it all down. WHY IS THAT EVEN OKAY TO SAY?! It got to the point where all everybody was talking about (it seemed) was the surplus that was coming. I didn't want to even talk to anybody anymore. I stayed in my classroom and left when I didn't need to be there. It was miserable. Then, the day came.
I was surplussed.
I was told I had two days to clear out my room and two days to set up at the new school. When I heard the school's name, I almost had a panic attack. I knew based on the name that I would be going way down in grade level - from 3/4 down to PK-1st. I didn't know until the next day that it was for sure Kinder. Telling my kids was so hard - especially the 4th graders. They were my first group of kids last year. We all cried together. There are things I was so glad to leave behind, but that group of kids will always have a special place in my heart.
However, I had to press on. So, that day after school when I found out, I was already packing things up. My mom came to help me load things up - she is so amazing. We spent most of Thursday packing and cleaning out my stuff - all the while having to deal with sad eyed kids peeking in the window. At one point I had to lock the door. Friday morning, I was done. I turned in my key and said my goodbyes. After lunch, I headed to my new school to start setting up a few things - mainly the bulletin boards. I was able to go on Sunday and unload quite a bit. I spent all of Monday and Tuesday working through setting everything up, moving things around. On Wednesday, I met my new kids. I had NO CLUE what I was doing. Everything I had carefully planned for the whole day, we finished before lunch. I was improvising the whole rest of the day. It was a train wreck.
However, now that it's been about three months, I can say I have gotten into a nice groove with these kiddos. I love my job again. The anxiety is gone. The only stress I have now is my official evaluation coming up and the usual responsibilities of teaching little ones. My new school is such an amazing place and the perfect fit for me. I didn't choose it, but it chose me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank you so much if you took the time to read my entire post. It really means a lot.
Natasha.
I have sat down to record a video for YouTube SO many times, I'm embarrassed to even think about it. I finally decided I should just write a blog post about just where I have been the last few months or so. I never posted a vlog from the beginning of the school year - I don't even remember uploading my final classroom tour....did I? Ugh....but I did want to take a few moments to explain my absence and talk about the year so far.
(If you follow me on Instagram, you already know what happened.)
The beginning of this year was super stressful for me. I had an overall amazing group of kiddos, but I had a few really difficult ones, all in the same class. I didn't know how I was going to survive this school year. I wanted to quit . I was looking into other jobs I could do with my degree (not too many options there). I felt like SUCH a failure as an educator. I was miserable, my anxiety was flaring up, and my depression was hitting me extra hard. I'm gonna be transparent here - I was suicidal in high school. The beginning of this school year was a scary time for me because it was back and so much worse.
Then, the surplus talk started. Now, not everybody knows exactly what that means, so I'll explain. Basically, it's leveling within the district due to numbers. I had a lot of people poking their head in my classroom and saying how nice my room looked, but that it would be a shame if I had to take it all down. WHY IS THAT EVEN OKAY TO SAY?! It got to the point where all everybody was talking about (it seemed) was the surplus that was coming. I didn't want to even talk to anybody anymore. I stayed in my classroom and left when I didn't need to be there. It was miserable. Then, the day came.
I was surplussed.
I was told I had two days to clear out my room and two days to set up at the new school. When I heard the school's name, I almost had a panic attack. I knew based on the name that I would be going way down in grade level - from 3/4 down to PK-1st. I didn't know until the next day that it was for sure Kinder. Telling my kids was so hard - especially the 4th graders. They were my first group of kids last year. We all cried together. There are things I was so glad to leave behind, but that group of kids will always have a special place in my heart.
However, I had to press on. So, that day after school when I found out, I was already packing things up. My mom came to help me load things up - she is so amazing. We spent most of Thursday packing and cleaning out my stuff - all the while having to deal with sad eyed kids peeking in the window. At one point I had to lock the door. Friday morning, I was done. I turned in my key and said my goodbyes. After lunch, I headed to my new school to start setting up a few things - mainly the bulletin boards. I was able to go on Sunday and unload quite a bit. I spent all of Monday and Tuesday working through setting everything up, moving things around. On Wednesday, I met my new kids. I had NO CLUE what I was doing. Everything I had carefully planned for the whole day, we finished before lunch. I was improvising the whole rest of the day. It was a train wreck.
However, now that it's been about three months, I can say I have gotten into a nice groove with these kiddos. I love my job again. The anxiety is gone. The only stress I have now is my official evaluation coming up and the usual responsibilities of teaching little ones. My new school is such an amazing place and the perfect fit for me. I didn't choose it, but it chose me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank you so much if you took the time to read my entire post. It really means a lot.
Natasha.
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